johnnyspeedf1
Estilo: Espiritual
Antigüedad: 09 de agosto de 2007
Último acceso: hace 2 horas
Vídeos vistos: 6091
Suscriptores: 49
Reproducciones del canal: 21271
RROFTE SHQIPERIA ETNIKE
VDEKJE TRADHTARVE
SAY NO TO RACISM
SAY NO TO RACISM
SAY NO TO RACISM
AM GOOD, SMART, FUNNY AND BRAVE WITH JUST A TOUCH OF CRAZY !!
Fallen Angel
I have fallen from sky,
Fallen to the ground,
I am the angel of sadness,
Angel of lost hopes,
Angel of lost dreams,
I am the fallen angel,
Fear me not,
I am here for reason,
That reason is to have a second chance in life,
That life I was given for a reason,
They took my wings,
They took me apart made me human,
I was the fallen angel,
But that fallen angel had one chance in life that he was given,
This angel won't make the same mistakes he made before,
This angel will go down the right path that has been chosen for him,
This fallen angel know what he has to do to be forgiven.
Jennifer Rondeau
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, Mixed Martial Arts ,,,,,,,,, Muay Thai -- Ju Jitsu ,,,,M.M.A Elite fighter Academy NYC Long Island and Montreal Quebec Canada ,,
----------------------- ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ---------------------------
M.M.A it's not just a sport ,,,, it's a way of life ,,,, it's self respect ,,,,-------------------------- -----------------------
FIND UR SOUL .... LIVE WITH UR SOUL
Ciudad: NYC,long island TOR,danforth
Cuidad natal: Capital of Illyria.....SHKODER
País: Estados Unidos
Profesión: Guardian of people 4lif...
Intereses y aficiones: A PERSONAL DRAMA....by Bo Lozzof and the true story of Mickey.
I first became involved with drugs at 14. At 15 I had a morphine habit which was very costly. I was continually stealing in order to maintain it . I was arrested on numerous occasions, but since I was still classified as a juvenile, the most that could b done to me was to be placed in a state training school, which I subsequently was more times that i can remember.
I went from boys ranches to training schools throughout my early teens. But as soon as I as released from one, it was only a matter of days before I had the needle back in my arm. Life was becoming one visious circle of Fix, nod, habit, steal, busted, and ones again incarcerated for a few months. Then back on the streets and it starts again....
When I was 16 i was arrested while burglarizing a pharmacy. Since i had now reached the age to be legally considered an adult in this state, i was tried as such.
I pled guilty for a 2 year suspended sentence on the contition that i voluntarily
commit myself for treatment at the Federal Narcotics Hospital, Lexington, Kentucky.
I was in Lexington for 11 months. I attended grup-therapy meetings as well as receving extensive individual counselling by the psychiatrists there. Their program it was a good one for helpin junkies to kick their physical habit, but the mental addiction was something else entirely . Although their intentions were to help, it did me very little good. As i have come to learn through experience, the only way to kick a destractive habit for good-ANY habit- is by first wanting, in your own heart to be rid of it, and then changing your beliefs that you have of it. Will power isn't enough. You must belive that the benefits of not having a habit are indeed better than the effects of the drug it self.
Only then can u b entirely rid of it. I had the willpower to quit, but not the belief.
I wastn't convinced that i needed a better life. In 2 months after my release from there, i was shooting stuff again. I developed a habit onse again. A few months latter i robbed 3 pharmacies and i was arrested soon after. I was convicted and receved three 25 year sentences running concurrently. I had just turned 18 when i entered the Oklahoma State Penitentiary. A couple of year latter i was transferred to a medium security facility.
They had several vocational training programs there whichwere offered to the prisoners
I had no desire to learn a vocation, so i wasn't concerned with that. My only desire was to escape. I had bein doing mentally for most of my life, and i had no desire to start accepting myself now. Without dope there was nothing. I had to get out of there and get back into it. I attempted to ascape after i had bein there for 2 months. While i was climbing over the fence, a tower guard spotted me and began shooting. I was shot in the leg, and that ended my escape. I was transferred back to this maximum security facility at McAlester .
After i had been back about a year i began regressing even further. There was much-and still is - paranoia, resentment, and frustration seething among the prisoners here.
Since the riot, there had been very little ''recreational'' activity of any kind. Most of the population was on a sort of general lock-down, with nothing but idlenees among them.
Since i had never really bothered to care or show much compassion for a fellow human bein, i was as much caught up in the hatred and selp-pitty as the '' crowd''.
I was doin nothing to iprove my contisions which i had inwardly created, yet i was convinced that i wasn't really to blame for my unhappiness. It was the guards; it was the unjust world in which we live; it was my mother becouse she didn't show me enough love; it was my father becouse he drank too much. The bastards had all let me down. My God, poor, angry me!! And i was just luxuriated in the warmth of self-pitty. It was a very soothing trap.
Películas y espectáculos: A few months later, my self-contempt and paranoia were at all-time high.
Wanting some way to relive my frustration externally, as i sertainly didn't want to make the change internally, i began to search for an outlet.
There was an individual on the same fun as i, whom i did not like because he was always ''looking'' at me funny. So i got myself a shiv, went down to his cell one morning and stabbed him to death. I did not say anything to him; I just started stabbing and stabbing , with no desire to stop until i was sure he was dead.
I doubt that he ever knew why i was doin it. I did not quite comrehend myself, other that knowing what an immense feeling of power my ego experienced in bein able to literally cut down another human being. Since i was secretly very much afraid of this invironment, i now assumed that i would no longer be as insecure, that everyone would know i was ''dangerus'' and would be afraid of me.
I had very few friends on this unit, as i was ( as i wanted ) feared by most of the prisoners. But the fear was not of respect, it was of contempt for a psychological sick individual. I was now more alone that i had ever been in my life. It was soon after i began to feel pangs of guilt for what i had done.
Why had i killed that guy?? I had no right, He had done nothing to harm me, What did hes family think of me ?? Maybe he had a wife and children out there .
The dude had the right to live. Who was i to deny him that right, just becouse i was to weak to grow up inside and face what i had created ?? Oh Mickey Mickey, how worthless you've become! No one loves you, nor do you deserve to be loved. Even God, if He exists, has no love for you.
Thus did i spend my time, locked within my cell, as well as my inner prison, hating and feeling sorry for myself. There was no hope left for me, i thought. So i took a razor blade and i slit my throat and the inside of my elbows. I truly wanted to die.
But i didn't die of course. I was rushed to the hospital, sewn up, given a few boold transfusions, and transferred to the State Mental Hospital in Vinita.
I went through the psychiatric evaluation scene, was analyzed, given a host of psychiatric labels, which in essence meant i was socially and mentally crazy.
It was a very heavy drama.
A few weeks later i was back on administrative seg. It was at this point though that my life began to change. A friend came to my cell one day and asked me a question.
He said, I know how it is, you think you' ve got it bad bro.
Did you really think you could clean up your karma by killing your physical body ??
I was confused by his question, i didn't know what he was talkin about. So he gave me a book to read -THE PROPHET - by Kahlil Gibran the truths cantained within that book to read are what enabled me to open my eyes to much that is within my own being, which i had been stifling through the years by my resentments and guilt complexes.
Now the puzzle was startin to fit together.
Yes, there is a higher existence, a higher self within us. And desire does not create attachments and attachments is suffering. And life, which does not begin in the womb and does not end in the grave, is indeed as beautiful as you wish it to be, prison enviroment included. We convicts who complain that life has nothing to offer, should consider, what are we giving to it ?? It gives us back as much happiness as we put into it.
If all we can contribute to our inviroment is bitterness and hatred, is it really surprising that bitterness and hatred is what we encounter in return?
''As ye sow so shall ye reap'' is not just a Biblical myth. It is a natural law which is infallible. I have found this to be true, right here in this joint.
I put myself through much suffering before i reached this point. And was it necessary?
YES, for me it was. Before i could overcome my comlexes, i had to experience their effects. I am not now a perfect individual without occasional upsets; but i am a free individual now, and i know there are no limitations to what i can do, or what i can become through my own thinking.
Today right now at this very moment, is all that any of us can say is ours. I am using my now, not yesterday or tomorrow, as the time to work on myself
Notificar infracción de imagen de perfil
