&lt;DO YOU WANT TO BE A WINNER&gt;?<br/>&lt;ADD ME AS FREIND&gt;<br/>Disclaimer: This is a rant. It may not make sense while reading it in order. It may not make sense at all. It may not even be true, but it's what I'm thinking right now.<br/><br/><br/><br/><br/>Ever just sit back and watch? People I mean. Just observe from an unbiased standpoint and watch? I do. Way too much. I try to figure out the motivations behind everything that the human being does. None of it makes sense. Often times I live my life from a very detached point of view...meaning that a lot of the time I'm living my life as a character and not as me. I observe what I'm doing instead of just doing it. I know that this might not explain exactly what happens in my head but I think it's pretty accurate. <br/><br/>I watch people at a party, at a bar, or just hanging out at someone's house. There might be a bunch of different reasons why I'm there, but I'm there nonetheless. I just sit there and observe everything that goes on around me like my eyes are movie cameras. But I am also wondering why we do what we do. A certain song comes on, let's say &quot;Shout,&quot; and people just go crazy like a bunch of fucking idiots...I know, because I do the same thing sometimes. People are drinking, smoking cigarettes, smoking pot, blowing lines, taking pills, dropping acid, rolling, tripping, whatever. They take a certain type of poison that makes them feel good, and that is what it is, and they have what they think is a good time from this warped perspective and they wake up the next morning, most of the time not remembering at least half the night. Why? Why do people wake up not remembering something, and say, &quot;Wow I had a good night.&quot;? <br/><br/>Anyone that knows me knows that I am a very trusting, optimistic person. But more and more I'm beginning to see the alterior motives behind people's actions and it breaks my heart to say this but I'm beginning to lose hope in mankind. I've always thought that people are naturally good but I don't think that is the case anymore. I see people manipulating other people all the time. <br/><br/>The biggest problem for me is that I get caught up in this stupid bullshit too. And even though I am that unbiased onlooker, I'm also a human being participating in this game, this life, this...whatever you want to call it. I can feel people trying to manipulate me and sometimes I let them do it. I smokeD pot because it MADE me feel good. I can feel good without it but it just makes me feel good. But it doesn't last and it's not real. But what is real? I really don't know.<br/><br/>Vice...that's all I see around every person I know. Everyone has their own vices. Alcohol, drugs, cigarettes are just the obvious ones. Sex and food are big ones too. I see everyone around me, including myself, turn to something when they're feeling down to bring them back up. But this only lasts a few moments, a few minutes, a few hours even...but when that is over they feel exactly what they felt before: pain.<br/><br/>I walked around in the cold, rainy, snowy, freezy weather last night with my jacket that doesn't zip for a very long time. I stepped in a puddle and my foot was very wet. I was thinking about a lot of different things that have been happening and I am beginning this theory about living your life from moment to moment and not worrying about the past or the future. Each moment is all that matters. If, within each moment, you create a compelling story, then you are creating a compelling life. These moments can be good or bad. You can be the hero or the villian. You can be an asshole, or the nice guy. It doesn't matter as long as it's compelling. Life...really doesn't matter all that much unless there's a good story behind it. Because when it all comes down to it....your story is all there is. So my new words to live by are: &quot;Give them a good story, because your story is all that's left behind.&quot;<br/><br/>Life being this thing that has such a deep meaning that it can't be understood, or not having a meaning at all seems to me at this point to be a series of random circumstances. Much like the roll of the dice, these circumstances have just as much chance of being bad as being good. A problem is that we are so complex that we feel bad and good all the time.